hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
