thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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