oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
