My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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