how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
