my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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