The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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