3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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