Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
