thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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