I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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