my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
