So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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