Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
