Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
