Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
