My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
