some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
