he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
