Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
