I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
