why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
