ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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