In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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