But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
