Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
