its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
