I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
