We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
