My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
