I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
