haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
