i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
