It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
