I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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