Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
