You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you never un-have a 4some
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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