she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize