TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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