You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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