All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
