He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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