i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
