Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
