Umm I'm too high to move.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
