I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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