I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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