"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
