So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
