I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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