Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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