If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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