im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
