did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
