I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
