Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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