I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
