Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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