i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
