Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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