Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
