I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
