I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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