hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
