i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
