If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
this hospital has no fireball
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize