My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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