You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
