i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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