well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
