You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
